Chapter Seven

I. Coping with Feelings and Emotions
A. Fear and anxiety
1. FEAR – a state of arousal, tension, or apprehension caused by a specific and identifiable stimulus or situation
2. ANXIETY – a feeling of uneasiness, apprehension, or fear that has a vague or unknown source
3. Causes of fear and anxiety
a. Sometimes the source of fear can be easily identified, but not always
b. Anxieties may develop out of proportion to the parent’s behavior
c. Anticipation of punishment can cause anxiety
d. Both fear and anxiety can be increased or created by imagination
4. Historical, cultural and developmental influences
a. Showing fear in western cultures is generally frowned on
b. Navajo culture believes that fear is healthy and normal
c. Fears reflect cognitive development
i. As fears become more abstract the child gains greater cognitive sophistication
ii. Fear of the dark, being alone, and fear of unfamiliar things now appear at earlier ages
5. Coping with fear and anxiety
a. Ignoring fear will not make it go away
b. It is best to gently and sympathetically encourage confrontation of a fear
c. Reducing unnecessary stress is the best way to reduce anxiety
d. DEFENSE MECHANISMS – the psychodynamic tricks that individuals use to disguise or reduce tensions that lead to anxiety
e. RATIONALIZATION – deluding oneself by creating reasonable, but false, explanations for events

B. Emotional regulation
1. The process of dealing with emotions
2. Shame and guilt
a. Shame is viewed as a more painful and intense emotion than guilt
b. Shame reflects negatively on one’s identity and is associated with the desire to undo aspects of the self
c. Guilt involves acknowledging that a behavior performed was wrong, and is associated with wanting to undo these negative behaviors
d. If children do not feel guilt when violating social norms, they are at risk of developing emotional problems
3. Learning to restrain emotions
a. Controlling the negative emotions is not the same as having them; they are an inevitable part of life
b. Learning to control negative feelings, not eliminate them, is the aim of healthy emotional regulation
c. Many cultures emphasize controlling positive emotions as well
4. Sensuality and sexual curiosity
a. Most cultures expect restraint when curiosity about the body develops
b. Sexual exploration is a natural and vital part of development

II. Aggression and Prosocial Behavior
A. Aggression
1. Types of aggression
a. hostile aggression – behavior intended to harm another person
b. instrumental aggression – behavior not intended to hurt another but does so accidentally
c. assertiveness – standing up for one’s rights
2. Punishment and modeling
a. Punishment can create a tendency to behave aggressively
b. Adults who use physical punishment to curb aggression are modeling aggressive behavior
c. The more often children are spanked, the more aggressive they are
3. Television and violence
a. TV viewing has become a powerful influence on children’s development
b. Television programming has become a major socializing force in the U.S.
c. Exposing children to large doses of causal violence on TV teaches them to think of aggression as a commonplace and acceptable way of dealing with frustration and anger
d. Violence is not the only problematic behavior that is modeled on TV
e. Television can also have positive influence on children’s thoughts and actions
f. Positive behaviors can be taught, and positive themes such as cooperation, sharing, friendship, and persistence can be interwoven into programs

B. Prosocial behavior
1. Prosocial behaviors are actions that are intended to benefit others
2. The roots of prosocial behavior
a. Because reward, punishment, and modeling affect aggression, it is natural to assume that they affect helping and sharing behavior
b. Encouraging role playing to help children think about how another person might behave can encourage prosocial behavior
c. Modeling prosocial behavior is a particularly powerful means of encouraging the behavior

III. Developmental Conflicts
A. The challenge for the 2 year old is to develop a sense of autonomy without triggering feelings of shame and doubt
B. Initiative versus guilt
1. INITIATIVE VERSUS GUILT – according to Erikson’s theory, 3 to 6 year old children’s primary developmental conflict which focuses on the development of mastery and competence
2. The key to healthy development is to achieve a balance between initiative and guilt
3. Excessive guilt can dampen the child’s initiative
4. Children need to master their environment to feel competent and successful
5. Failure needs to be taken in stride to avoid thinking that failure will generalize to all the things that are attempted
6. A child who fails to develop a secure self concept will have difficulty establishing successful relationships with peers

IV. Peers, Play, and the Development of Social Competence
A. The role of imaginary companions
1. IMAGINARY COMPANIONS – invisible companions that children create and pretend are very real
2. 65% of children have imaginary companions
3. Those who do have been found to be more sociable and less shy

B. Cultural variations in play
1. Since major social roles and values differ from one culture to another, pretending to be certain roles differ by culture
2. Competitive games are virtually nonexistent in some cultures like the former Soviet Union; instead cooperative games are emphasized
3. In cultures where survival depends on motor skills, physical skill games are emphasized

C. Social competence and the development of social skills
1. SOCIAL COMPETENCE – the ability to initiate and maintain satisfying reciprocal relationships with peers
2. Socially competent children are more popular with their peers
3. Four components of social competence
a. Emotional regulation
b. Social knowledge
c. Social skills
d. Social disposition
4. Popular children are more cooperative and interactive and generally display more prosocial behaviors
5. Abused children are more likely to be rejected by their peers
6. Adults can teach social skills through modeling and encouragement, they can support opportunities for successful social experiences, and they can provide opportunities to play with other children

V. Understanding Self and Others
A. Social concepts and rules
1. INTERNALIZATION – the process of incorporating the values and oral standards of one’s society into one’s self concept, or understanding, of oneself
2. Social concepts in friendships
a. When cognitive and social development have progressed to the point where relationships can be built on mutual trust, friendships develop
b. Children demonstrate growing awareness of social concepts when they engage in arguments
c. As children move through early childhood, their understanding of social concepts expands
d. The ability to develop friendships indicates a growing understanding of themselves

B. Self concept
1. Self understanding is linked to the child’s understanding of the social world
2. As children develop, they increasingly define themselves in the context of their relationships with others
3. Self evaluations are often a direct reflection of what other people think of them
4. The early influence of others can have a powerful effect on the development of the basic elements of a person’s self concept

C. Self and gender
1. GENDER IDENTITY – the knowledge of who we are as male or female
2. SEX – the genetic and biological determination of whether we are male or female
3. GENDER – a conceptual understanding of being male or female, which is largely defined by culture
4. GENDER ROLES – roles we adopt that correspond to cultural definitions and expectations about being female or male
5. Male/Female differences during early childhood
a. Males are born slightly longer and heavier
b. Girls have slightly more mature skeletons
c. Girls develop slightly faster than boys
d. Many gender differences in sociability, self esteem, motivation to achieve, or even rote learning do not exist
e. Gender differences identified in early research appear to be shrinking as roles for men and women become more flexible
6. Androgyny
a. The view that all people are capable of developing a wide range of traits
b. ANDROGYNOUS PERSONALITY – personality type that includes characteristics that are both masculine and feminine traits
7. The development of gender identity
a. Children learn to label people as either boys or girls, then they develop definitions of what traits are associated with gender
b. GENDER ROLE STEREOTYPES – rigid and fixed ideas about what is appropriate male or female behavior
c. GENDER SCHEMES – the concepts that define how a person thinks about the behaviors and attitudes that are appropriate for males and females
d. GENDER CONSTANCY – the older child’s understanding that a person’s gender is stable and stays the same despite changes in superficial appearance
e. SELF SOCIALIZATION – process by which children are intrinsically motivated to acquire values, interests, and behaviors consistent with their gender and culture

VI. Family Dynamics
A. Parenting styles
1. Four parenting styles
a. AUTHORITATIVE PARENTS – parents who combine a high degree of warmth, acceptance, and encouragement of autonomy with firm but flexible control; they encourage communication and negotiation in rule setting within the family
b. AUTHORITARIAN PARENTS – parents who are highly controlling, show little warmth, and adhere to rigid rules; in families headed by authoritarian parents, children contribute little to the family’s decision making process
c. PERMISSIVE PARENTS – parents who exercise little control over their children but are high in warmth
d. INDIFFERENT PARENTS – parents who neither set limits nor display much affection or approval
2. Effects of different parenting styles
a. Authoritative parents have been found to fare well in most respects
b. Authoritarian parents tend to produce withdrawn, fearful children who are dependent, moody, unassertive, and irritable
c. Permissive parents produce rebellious, aggressive, self indulgent, impulsive, and socially inept children
d. Indifferent parents produce children who tend to show high expression of destructive impulses as well as delinquent behavior

B. Discipline and self control
1. Setting rules and limits and enforcing them
2. The goal is for children to establish their own self control of behavior and emotions
3. The negotiation of shared goals
a. SHARED GOALS – a common understanding between parents and children about how family interactions will be conducted and what their outcomes will be
b. Families that are unable to achieve shared goals must negotiate everything

C. Sibling dynamics
1. Siblings can be devotedly loyal, despise each other, or form ambivalent love/hate relationships
2. Birth order
a. Few if any important and consistent personality differences result from birth order
b. Any effects on intellectual ability is more likely associated with the role of the first born since this child benefits from all of the parent’s attention
c. Average IQ differences are small

D. Child maltreatment: abuse and neglect
1. CHILD MALTREATMENT – any form of child abuse, child neglect, or other domestic violence that affects the lives of children
2. Physical abuse and neglect
a. Physical abuse often occurs at the hands of the parents
b. Male abusers outnumber females 4 to 1
c. Younger children sustain more serious injuries than older ones
d. Neglect is the failure to provide for the child’s basic needs
e. Neglect is often associated with poverty
f. Can be intentional, but also results from lack of resources or knowledge about appropriate child care
3. Psychological abuse
a. Always accompanies physical abuse
b. Maltreatment damages the parenting relationships that should be nurturing and trustworthy; when this occurs, almost every aspect of psychological development is negatively affected
4. Effects of child abuse
a. All abuse can have long term effects
b. Self esteem can be irreparably damaged
c. Risk of psychological problems increase for adults who were abused as children
d. Children have trouble controlling their emotions and behavior
e. Abused children are not socialized in positive ways and they may learn defiance, manipulation, and other problem behaviors as ways of escaping maltreatment
5. Causes of child maltreatment
a. Parents who abuse their children may have learned abusive behavior from their own parents
b. They may have unrealistic expectations for their children
c. They may be experiencing stress from their life situation
d. They may be socially isolated
e. May have children who pose special challenges
f. Can be addressed through parent education programs that provide social support and teach non-abusive methods of discipline
g. Sometimes children must be removed from their homes to prevent continued abuse